2 Months

2 months ago today Chase's little bro passed away. People always tell you that it gets easier with time, but for me it has been the opposite. I did so good with it in the beginning. I stayed so strong so Chase could mourn. But the last month has been really hard for me for some reason. Some days I look at Justin's pictures over and over again just thinking about all the things we could have done differently and all the memories that we didn't get to have. Sometimes I just sit and cry for no apparent reason.

I don't have alot of memories with Justin but when I think of the time we spent together I remember these things: starting our wedding late because Justin didn't want to walk a girl down the isle, taking him to play with my neice because I had no idea how to entertain a 10 year old boy, him sitting under the hood of Chase's truck helping Chase change out a motor, him sleeping on our old checkered couches, how much he loved the 4th of July activities that we took him to a year or so after Chase and I go married, Chase's face when Justin made a surprise visit just after Chase's accident, Justin texting me just after that visit just to see how we were.

I don't know if it is my place to feel so heartbroken. Somedays I feel like that is Chase's right not mine and I am foolish for being so upset.

I hope Justin knew how much Chase & I love him and I hope he knows that not a day goes by that we don't miss him. We never say the things we should say until it's too late. I love my parents, brothers & sisters, in-laws, and friends with all my heart. Words can't express how much they mean to me.